Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
