Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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