By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
