In America we eat man semen.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
