i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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