He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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