worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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