She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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