I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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