96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm both gender and math confused
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
