I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
