my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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