Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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