he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
