we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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