We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
