I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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