would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
