Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the day after is always just damage control
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
