8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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