Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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