he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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