It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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