my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
