Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
