Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
