fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
