Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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