drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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