Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need a beard to bite.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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