Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize