I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
