When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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