WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
