Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
