they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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