Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
