How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
