I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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