I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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