I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
