How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
