I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
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I need you to use more vowels.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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