4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
