everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
