I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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