I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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