now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
