Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
