Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
