I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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