Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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