I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
