fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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