Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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