I wish I could teleport
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
