AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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