i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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