Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
