i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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