:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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