It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
