Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
