Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sponge bath it is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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