Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
