that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
