she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
