It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
