K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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