good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
