there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im part way to drunk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
