So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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