I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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