Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
