they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
