and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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