No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
