dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
