lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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