wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
