Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
