so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
