ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
