your parents love me but you hate me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Come on in and take your pants off
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