Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
