i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
