How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
