lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
