She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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