I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
