he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize