I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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