my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
