and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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