Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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