Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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