God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
