Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
