FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
that's an acceptable place to lick
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
