i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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