the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize