the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
