mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
